the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
