Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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