i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
