Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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