is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
