How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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