nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
