At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
