I just made out with a guy for $7.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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