you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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