cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
