You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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