end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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