Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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