we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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