I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
