Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
