So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
