i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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