i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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