God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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