Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
