what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
someone owes me an orgasm
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
