I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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