told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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