I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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