i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
a search helicopter?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
