Having a random hookup so left but love u
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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