Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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