How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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