I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
