Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
