these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
