update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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