Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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