A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
