my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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