That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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