threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
