no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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