every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
