well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
