I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
