I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
