Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
