Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
