If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
