don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
