I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
