If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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