On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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