I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
