yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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