i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
