New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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