I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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