No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
