I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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