You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
