Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
