Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
