this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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