My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
