we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
