You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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