she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
