He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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