You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The air was thick with penises
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
