I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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