i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize