I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
