They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A+ Viking dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
