tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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