When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
