I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
