wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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