i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
